I'VE FINISHED CHEMO

Leaving Chemo last Thursday gave me an array of feelings. First of all I couldn’t believe that I had gotten through twelve rounds of Chemo. Thinking to myself how quickly and at the same time how painstakingly slow six months have gone. Then came the realisation that I didn’t know what came next. Fear of the unknown often makes your mind wonder, this can be dangerous for a daydreamer like me. Other than a few tests in January to finally see the outcome of the Chemotherapy treatment - who knows what the next part of my journey is going to be. It could be Radiotherapy but I mustn’t forget that finishing Chemo is a massive step in itself. Although this is not the end of my treatment - merely just the beginning - I feel this is a definite step in the right direction. So how can I describe what I am feeling right now…I suppose I am happy but mostly holding my breath.

THE WATCHING EYES

When I’m out and about I am often in my own world. Glad to be away from the house, glad to have energy. I just think that I am my old self in my old clothes and my old life and for just a moment everything is fine. But then I take my hat off and I see one person, two, three, all starring. I don’t really mind the starring when I’m ready for it but on the odd occasion I do forget for a slight second what I’m going through, what I look like, and that’s the moment I find everything comes crashing back down to reality.

DARE TO BE DIFFERENT

AMBER ROSE

Knowing that you are going to lose your hair can be quite frightening. Many people struggle with this part of the treatment and to say that it didn’t bother me just a little would be a lie. I had long hair which I had spent 3 years growing and knowing that it was all going to go, well I can’t really describe my feelings but you can probably guess. I was immediately on the internet looking for stories, ideas, solutions, something that I could work with. But just a quick google search and I was blown away by the amazingly bold moves of some celebrities. I actually became excited by the possibility of becoming bald. As part of my research I went to the different programmes that were available to me. I tried different ways of tying a head scarf to different styles of wigs but I have always much preferred going au naturelle, feeling that if I did wear a wig I would be conscious of it the whole time and well what if my wig slipped, would someone really tell me? I don’t think so. So here are some inspirational pictures that dared me to be different.

DEMI MOORE

EVE SALVAIL

GRACE JONES

NATALIE PORTMAN

SIGOURNEY WEAVER

SKIN

SOLANGE KNOWLES

THINGS TO DO WITH ARCADE FIRE TICKETS

I literally can not wait for tomorrow!!! I have been waiting to see Arcade Fire for so long. This has to be a reward of some kind. But I am gutted too as I was meant to go see Vampire Weekend Thursday as well but cause I booked the tickets so long ago I didn't realise that I would be having Chemo on that day!! Gutted. Anyhow the snow better not cause me any problems. Finger crossed the weather eases up.

THE AUTUMN

Autumn seems to have gone by so quickly. It is probably my favourite time of year. The sun is just so bright I immediately feel energized by it. The leaves are just beautiful, the colours, the patterns, I wish I could hold on to them, preserve them forever. Like the Autumn, I have definitely had more energy but that unfortunately is not always a good thing as I tend to overdo it. So I haven't been out as much as I would have liked but I have still managed to create a hat. The only thing was I really did not want to take it off!!

THE PHOTO-SHOOT

So an amazing friend from Uni asks me if he could use me as a model for his accessories project and of course there is no way I can say no if it involves my bald head!!! It worked out that the photo-shoot was going to take place the day after Chemo and normally I am quite bad after Chemo for at least 3-5 days suffering form nausea, steroid overeating, back pains, tiredness but lucky for me the doctors had tweaked my medication and it worked. I don't know if it was the excitement from the photo-shoot or the fact I was around some great friends but I was perfectly happy with no side effects that day.

If you want to check out any more of Ryan's amazing work then check out his website: http://www.rianoworks.com/